With all due respect to my lovely female counterpart and to late night funny man David Letterman this is an aspect of the dating world that typically leaves men scratching their heads, not to mention, sometimes their corneas out.
I, myself have dated women who not only have a list, but have been crazy enough to share it with me. They unfold that tiny piece of paper that seems to have been given 800 hundred folds. While she's unfolding this microscopic piece of paper it gets bigger till you realize that it's not just one sheet of 8x11, but several of them attached together. Lucky you!! Upon further inspection your eyes get wider looking for the nearest exit as you are amazed she can fit that many words on a sheet of paper that leave the length of "War and Peace" in the dust while requiring a Urim and Thumim to decipher. (For you Non-LDS that's a fancy breastplate with rocks used for translating Reformed Egyptian)
It leaves us bamboozled, bewildered and well......freaked out, not to mention oft times hurt. No guy likes being told..."Sorry pal....you didn't make the cut." I understand that each woman has certain needs (money...cough, cough) and that she needs to feel taken care of (money...cough, cough), but don't you think it's hard enough to shake the crazy stereotype without doing a play by play breakdown of whether the next guy meets her lists and criteria? I can see the episode played out in my mind now........as we drift to a dreamy sequence with a field of poppies and the dainty princess decked out in her best Scarlett O'Hara outfit.......or if you're Mormon, a scene at the reflection pool in Temple Square with her journal and hope chest in tow, searching for an answer as to whether he's "The One."
"Oh Johnny.....you're so manly....you're just, well, dreamy! You're everything that I've ever wanted....BUT....I must consult the list!" As her white gloved hand reaches into her perfectly shiny leather purse with umbrella overhead to shield her from the rays of the sun...she pulls out...(drum roll)....the list.....
"Let's see...
#1. Handsome (giggles).
#2. He can provide security (money...cough cough)
#3. He graduated Lambda Lambda Lambda from BYU with a Major in Dorkery.
#4. He's taller than me......especially if I'm in high heels! (try telling a gal sometime you won't date other girls that weigh more than you....but it's okay for them to not date midgets...this is not suggested for those men not wishing to sing a couple octaves higher or sound like a munchkin the next day)
#5. He has a soul patch.....so dreamy....he's a bad boy.
#6. I can fall asleep on his Biceps without getting a kinked neck.
#7. He doesn't compliment me just to try to get me to have sex with him (I think).
#8. He makes six figures (no more coughing)
#9. He passed the Best Friend Test....Louise likes him so he's gotta be good!
#10. He'll let me dress him whenever I come home from shopping because I found a Tommy Hilfiger shirt that would look so hot on him!
And if You're into Mormon Dating.....wow where do we begin?
#1. We're from the same tribe!
#2. We read our Patriarchal Blessings together on our 2nd date.
#3. He's never been inside a Bishops Office outside of getting a calling
#4. I felt along the pantleg and yes...he wears his garments.
#5. He's so ambitious with his Rockin MLM *money.... cough, cough*
#6. He's a member of the Elders Quorum Presidency and I just know that one day he's gonna be Bishop!
#7. He has a running expense account at Deseret Book
#8. He liked my Capri's!
#9. Our first Road Trip was down to the Manti Temple Pageant!
#10. He cast bad spirits out of my apartment one night after I got into an argument with my roommates (You girls are the best... I love you!)....so I know he's a worthy Priesthood Holder.
I could go on and on, but I digress.
Does a guy have a list that he writes out? The answer is unequivocally no! Now are there things that we look for and want and need in a woman? Absolutely, but only the very....weird eccentric metrosexuals would ever commit these to pen and paper, but hey it's the 21st Century, so what do I know? I've never met a man that whipped out a list from his journal, wallet, PalmPilot or FranklinCovey Day Planner. Although I did actually see a guy pull one out from the pocket of his scriptures carrier a couple of years ago, which gave me pause...and then I got back to realizing I was being bored by the current speaker and that snapped me back to the real world.
Now please beloved, before the entire Relief Society shows up outside my window with torches and pitchforks, I do understand a woman's need for a list. Well kind of. They simply are smarter than we are. They really are. But they're also much more complicated than men... and by that very nature need a list to narrow things down to a million or two.
They decide what they want and then they go out and get it...that is unless they keep on falling for that same kind of guy...you know the kind I'm talking about that we'll address in a different blog down the road....where the girl just seems to have a soft spot in heart for Douche Bags...but when that dreamy Rhett Butler or Edward (Twilight seems to be the thing nowadays) comes walking through that door they want it to be perfect. I'd like to think that Most Women won't reject or eliminate a man that doesn't fit every minute criteria..... but the older I get the more I've heard the dreaded phrase that every man hears.... you know what I'm talking about..... that line we hear in what seems to be that high pitched voice that just pierces your brain..."I REFUSE TO SETTLE!"....well with a list that could put The Book of World Records to shame honey... good luck with that. Your list has just ruined something potentially great even though your heart and soul tell you otherwise. That's why I have a problem with lists.
Given my take on this topic I fully admit an irony that exists here.... because I trust women's intuition more than I do men's. That's a lesson I learned from my mother when I was 18 years old.... but when it comes to what men are looking for in a mate, they tend to be more intuitive in knowing it when they see her and find her. They just know it...."the list" is more of a mental compartmentalized type of thing that may naturally evolve over time. I know when I fall in love... I just know it and I don't need to complicate things because she might not fit #4 or #97. When you're truly in love... it's messy, scary, fun and gives you that feeling when you hit the top hill on the roller coaster and are about to speed downward. Enjoy the ride, just don't toss your cookies.
Myself for example.... after my divorce I struggled for quite awhile not really knowing what I want, but at this stage in my life, I'm 36 and without question I now know what I'm looking for and the kind of girl I'm looking for. I'm looking for a gal that fits a small area of criteria and who's as imperfect as I am. I don't need to jot the list down because I just know... and a lot of times the problems with lists is they can blind a gal to a great guy that she can truly be happy with, even if he doesn't fit the entire criteria. And in scenarios like that, when reality has hit her and that guy is walking out the door, well.... as my man Rhett once said..."Frankly my dear I don't give a damn."
-- dl
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