The Checklist: Finding Your Top Ten

I know I set my standards kind of high and it's certainly not that I'm trying to find another Joseph Smith with whom to seal myself, it's just that.... well, I'm a girl.... and like any other typical girl, I've been planning my future since I was 5 years old... when Blake, my best friend who lived down the street (and had the best Star Wars figurine collection ever) agreed to marry me. 

While my standards at 5 years old have certainly progressed to match my now 30-something needs.... and you can't rightly form a relationship around a guy's action figure collection (even though he had Princess Leia).... it actually started back then. I saw something I wanted, something I just knew would make me happy. I thought long and hard about it and tucked it safely away in my mind for just the right time when I would know this very important thing should be mine, and being the savvy negotiator (or impatient 5 year old) that I was.... made a deal. "Okay, Blake, I'll marry you IF I can have Princess Leia."

And so began the checklist. Every girl has one. Some are long, some are short, some are excessive, simple, or reasonable, and some are completely off the mark, but... they are individually ours; made up of all the things we've collected over the years, things learned from good experiences, things learned from bad experiences.... but all are things we deem important for our happiness. 

I like the checklist.... though some misunderstand the practicality of it, and yet there are many more still who misunderstand the power of it. In any case, it is my opinion that every girl should have at least a Top Ten. I think you'll find that once you complete your Top Ten that dating becomes somewhat easier, more objective, which sounds unromantic but in reality is merely a tool to help you find what you are looking for, and not take things too personally in the meantime.

The Top Ten is not meant to be a personalized list for whatever suits your fancy.... it is meant as a practical application - especially for us girls - because as we women know too well.... we are easily distracted. As a group we are ambitious, emotionally intelligent, people-pleasing beings.... but throw a possible husband-kind-of-guy in the mix and we fall off our wagon. It is all too easy for us to drop our pursuits in order to support his. 

The Top Ten should include the essentials, the deal breakers.... the things you cannot live without. For example, if "worthy priesthood holder," is important to you, enough to put it on your Top Ten... and you're dating a guy who never seems to make it to Priesthood meeting (and sorry guys, but sitting on the couch outside the Priesthood room doesn't count as attendance), you might rethink pursuing the relationship further... in fact, if I were you, I'd run.

Or, perhaps "will iron my garments" is on your guy's Top Ten..... well, that's just ridiculous.  So, good luck with that one I guess.... not that I'm speaking from personal experience.  ;)

While none of us knows how or when we will meet and marry the man we hope to find, I argue that perhaps we have not prepared ourselves properly or fully for the event. Are we then just sitting by, doing nothing but waiting? And what should we be doing to prepare? Well, that's really a topic for another time, however I will say this.... I believe that one cannot properly prepare without really knowing oneself and that means understanding and identifying your priorities.... which is where the Top Ten checklist comes into play and what better use of our time or energy while we wait for Mr. Right to show up, and maybe.... just maybe it will help us identify HIM. 

Now, I realize this is an individual issue and your own Top Ten should reflect the individual qualities/items that are necessary for you to build a happy life with someone. For this reason, I urge you be strong and firm about them... this is about your happiness after all. But, be reasonable also.... if you get caught up in your "priorities" you might miss out on your opportunities.  

--cl