I remember my first boyfriend well..... M. MacFarlane.... (sigh). We met when I was a junior in High School. I had it for him bad, too..... couldn't concentrate on anything, he was such a plague!
We met in the weight room, lifting for track practice. A few glances were exchanged.... weeks later we graduated to saying hello..... and eventually it led to goofing off. I got really strong..... but he never asked me out.
Months later, after he graduated and I was now a senior in high school, I ran into him haphazardly one Tuesday night at 5 pm in the Wilkinson Center at BYU...... and wow - I was still head over heels in love with him! .... so guess where I was on Thursday night at 5 pm?
Yep.... two more "accidental run-ins" and he was mine. We dated for almost a year before he left on his mission. (Things clearly didn't work out for us though.... or I'd be writing this as Carlin MacFarlane.... and that wasn't about to happen).
I've wondered since then what the difference was that led him to finally ask me out.... and while I may never know the truth, I do have a couple of theories:
Theory #1: It was High School.... need I say more? Okay, there is one element in this that warrants mentioning. That is, the setting in which we met each other.
You see, we only knew each other from the High School weight room - the only association he had made with me...... until I saw him outside the weight room at BYU. Suddenly he saw me differently. I was no longer that cute girl over there grunting as I do the military press, now I was that cute girl at BYU, dressed in normal girl clothes, with other "girly" interests than weight lifting. All I had to do was put the idea in his mind by showing up. Guys are visual creatures..... they need to actually see you - and see you in different settings, sometimes more than once or twice - before they make up their minds to ask you out.
Theory #2: We had a common interest. While the weight room in one instance seemed to work against me, it also worked for me. It was our connection - our shared pastime. How fun is it to go out with someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common? Yikes! Most guys have hobbies.... they like to do things. If they find a girl who enjoys the same activities they do, they just might very well think they've found gold.
Theory #3: We had already established an attraction for one another. We already knew we were attracted to each other.... all those months flirting back and forth. If a guy is attracted to you, he'll let you know...... subtle as it may be. If his attraction to you is in question, perhaps he needs a little of theories #1 & #2 to help him make up his mind.... Let him see you in a different setting. Let him see you period!
And.... if you still don't get a reaction out of him, move on. You're not his type and he's not what you're looking for either..... and that's okay. The process of dating is about finding what fits and choosing from there......
Think of it as one gigantic dressing room..... We're all just trying each other on for size to see if we fit. Sometimes we fall in love with that one outfit we just know is perfect for us! But, to our dismay, it doesn't come in our size, or perhaps is out of our price range and NOTHING we do will bring it within our reach. It becomes more about trying to squeeze ourselves into a size 2, which is really about our own egos if you stop and think about it, than looking for an outfit that flatters perfectly our own unique body composition.
There are also outfits on the clearance rack..... and while the capture of such a "bargain" may make us feel pleased, and even proud, momentarily...... we'd be settling for last season's designs which we know, while it would do just fine, won't make us entirely happy either.
The key is to find the perfect outfit at the perfect price, in the perfect size..... a sometimes daunting task, which can only be accomplished by going through the exciting, exhausting, discouraging, and sometimes torturous exercise of shopping..... however, at the end of the day, you will come home with an outfit that seems to be tailor made just for you..... and NOTHING will make you feel happier. It will flatter you in every way and make you feel like a million bucks..... and you may very well spend the rest of your life wondering how you got so lucky to have come across such a find!
--cl
Gheybin Gets a Date:
ReplyDelete[Piece of Cake]
Holy smokes, this is the easiest thing in the world. It's like making friends. I think people are missing this: dating is really only hanging out. So, if your objective is making friends and appreciating an individual for themselves, it's a very genuine and sincere step to a date. When I make a friend I ask them questions, talk a little bit about myself, smile and laugh, make a joke. In addition, I truly feel that I make an excellent worthwhile friend, so my objective is never merely to benefit myself with a romantic encounter.
Once I've spoken to and laughed with a cute member of the opposite sex, established the friendly terms and I've decided I like Mr. Cute, I make my liking known. Sometimes I just say, "I like you," which guys love, I swear. Or else I flirt in those friendly ways (texting, smiling, etc.) or maybe even I'll invite him to do something together. In any case, there's only two things to happen, right? They respond in some form, whether by taking you to dinner or accepting your hangout proposal, or they don't have those same butterflies for you. Either way, I don't ever feel as though there's something to fear because I like me.
These days, I still get asked out frequently even though I'm not trying, and here's why:
I think that because I'm genuinely interested in a person and because I smile and laugh and share myself, they feel genuinely interested in me, too.
Gheyb -
ReplyDeleteAwesome comment.... thank you for bringing this up. I agree it is probably the most overlooked concept in dating.... how about I actually take a genuine interest in you?
The problem that most girls have, as I see it, is that when we see a cute guy all of a sudden our confidence flies out the window - same thing happens for guys too, so I'm told.... but I don't buy this excuse.
Gheyb, I know you well enough to know that you could land any guy you set your heart on simply because of your unassuming, sparkling personality! And girls.... take a lesson here:
Guys are attracted to your confidence. So, be sure of yourself. It's as simple as Gheybin puts it.... when you like yourself, you have confidence, and when you have confidence taking a genuine interest in someone comes naturally.....(and genuine interest means not having ulterior motives).....
It's like going to a job interview..... the candidates who get the job are the ones who ask the right questions. If you approach a guy with concern only for yourself and worrying over whether or not he likes you, you'll come across as superficial. If you approach him with a genuine interest to add him as a possible friend - ask him questions about himself, his work, etc. - you'll put him at ease and make it so much easier for him to approach you with the idea of going out sometime..... or as Gheybin said, to accept your invite to hang out.
Be yourself, be genuine, stop worrying so much about how you come across, and don't worry about the result - if he likes you back, he'll let you know. And if not, at worst you've made a friend and who knows who he knows who might be just the guy for you!
--cl