The Vortex

Several years ago, when I was based in Salt Lake City with my job in the airlines, I flew a regular route to Alaska during the winter time. We'd stop in Anchorage and then hop over to Fairbanks, which is near the North Pole.... well, North Pole, Alaska anyway. (But, hey.... I can at least say I've been to the "North Pole".... saw Santa and everything! ;)

Fairbanks is kind of a flat, extremely dry, barren, and frozen place in the winter time, very much like I imagine outer Siberia to be. In fact, it is so bad that overnight you have to drench a few towels and hang them dripping wet over a chair in order not to wake up with a really bad headache and accompanying nosebleed. 

The flight up to Fairbanks is what makes the pounding headache and sensitive nosebleed all worthwhile. Due to the close proximity to the North Pole one can very often witness what Galileo once called "the red dawn of the north" that we know today as the Aurora effect... and the view from the cockpit is absolutely incredible.

The Aurora, for those of you who don't know your physics, looks exactly like the "Neutral Zone" or plasma barrier on Star Trek Next Generation.... in fact, I very much expected the Starship Enterprise to to appear! The energy between the millions of collisions of solar particles with atmospheric gases is emitted as photons - light particles - making it appear as lights that seem to move across the sky.

These particles travel from the sun through space anywhere from 300-1000 km/s! And, the reason we only see this effect at each of the poles is due to the Earth's magnetic field, which is most prevalent at the north and south poles.... in fact, if it weren't for the earth's atmosphere acting as sort of a shield against these deadly particles, directing them to the more magnetic regions of the earth where they collide with the gases present, the planet would be uninhabitable.

The resulting effect of the aurora is an ethereal experience that induces quiet reverence and reflection as one stares in paralyzing amazement.... and makes you realize both your own insignificance and yet your vast importance on this earth at the same time. 

Most of us have had a significant other in our lives that on our way through our relationship produced a similar experience of amazement and reverence in ourselves that caused us to kneel down and express thanks for this wonderful person that has come into our lives. But how many of these wonderful people remain wonderful? And how long does this "aurora effect" last?

When I met my ex-husband I knew he was meant for me. We were a perfect fit... and I would often find myself crying in happiness and gratitude for such a wonderful man. His atmospheric gases engulfed my millions of solar particles to create such a light show that not even I could believe.... It was exquisite....until we landed in "outer Siberia."

For a long time after we split he would call me regularly, several times a week sometimes, and I couldn't figure out why I was so unsuccessful in my goals to drop a few pounds until I realized that every time we talked he pushed me right back into the emotional vortex I was trying so desperately to climb out of.... taking it out on Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip cookies (my favorite), instead of the rightful party.

Once I identified what was going on, it became very clear to me how to get control of my ship  and stop the downward spiral once and for all.... 

Though I have since moved on, I learned much from that relationship.... and there is still a sad part in my heart because of what could have been - yet I expect that anyone who has had a similar experience would feel the same. That time when we experience an aurora effect in our relationships truly can be an ethereal experience - as we see each other's God given potential - and that is an exciting, wonderful thing. 

While there is no real way to ensure that our significant others live up to or at least reach for their potential, what are we doing for ourselves in the meantime? Are we living up to our own potential? Are we taking care of ourselves? Are we doing the things we deem necessary for our own happiness and growth? And.... what happens to us when we are let down and hurt so much to the point that we feel devoured by the vortex that won't seem to let us go no matter how hard we try. Frankly.... I'm a little sick of Otis's cookies, not to mention I'd like my figure back.

The first step out of the vortex.... you didn't think I'd leave you there, did you?.... is recognizing your inner self and understanding how you talk to yourself.  When I finally figured it out I realized that I had some seriously negative self talk going on.... and interestingly this only seemed to happen on "phone call days." The truth was I didn't like who I was or had become with my ex and every time we talked I fell right back into that person. Kind of like going home and reverting back to your childhood self - the person you've tried very hard to grow up from. Once I recognized the patterns, I came up with a plan.

You need a plan.... this is essential! How can a person go on a successful diet if they haven't figured out what their defense tactic is against the hungries when they strike? Make a plan for how you will deal with things should you not fair as well as you thought you would. If you leave yourself defenseless you'll sink even deeper into the vortex.

The second step is recognizing your negative self talk and REALIZE that the exact opposite is the truth. Ask yourself where your thoughts are coming from.... if they are uplifting, peaceful thoughts you know they're from the right source and if they're not, feel free to use the "get thee hence" tactic. And, if you feel the way I do about things, then doubting yourself - or your value - makes you very angry as you don't want to give Satan such a pleasurable moment, no matter how brief it may be.... that means he wins and you just won't have that.

And step three... learn to love the process and have faith and patience. God loves a plan.... and he has one for each of us. I believe if we make our own plans He will guide us through them and bless us along the way. Map your plan out step by step. What do you want? How can you get it? What kind of husband/wife do you really want? What can you do to find him/her? What kind of husband/wife do you want to be? What do you need to do to achieve that? Do you need a stable career path? Regular activity in your ward? Increase your testimony or knowledge of the Gospel? Or even to lose a few pounds? What steps can you take to accomplish these things? Why not do these things if it will attract the kind of person you want in your life? What is stopping you? Fear? Doubt? Better check your sources.... 

With God, all things are possible. Memorize that. Apply it in every facet. There is nothing standing in your way but you and the choices you make. I believe the choices you make out of fear and doubt will lead you down the wrong path, but the choices you make out of faith and confidence in God will lead you to the right person, the right career, the right result, and the happiness and success you want and deserve. And, should you find yourself in outer Siberia, as I did where the potential I once saw was nowhere in sight, even though you followed your faith, stay strong... we can't control the actions of others, but Heavenly Father will make it up to us tenfold. There is a plan in effect and the plan rolls forward despite the upsets that seem to beset us.... we have yet our work to do. Our job is to remain faithful, do all that is in our power to do, and trust Heavenly Father will provide.... and He always does.

-cl